Summer or Winter? I guess I'm no Snow White.

there's a reason why i keep saying 2010 is a better year,

but i changed my mind because its not fair for you to wait,

and bcos i am not ready for it at all, but to please you,

i forced myself to think on the brightside visiting you,

im really selfish, i want to make sure i get the best out of it,

for the effort and sacrifices we both had to make,

in view of the circumstances right now, the sacrifices 

are even much bigger to comprehend, plus the fact 

that im always looking at the depressing side of things,

i find it very hard to be thinking about the brightside,

no matter how hard you try or what you said,

but frankly speaking its too late to take that back now.

because i've already set my mind to it, even though

im trying to give it my 100%, i still see obstacles,

so i tried to motivate myself by googling the pictures,

you told me the places we're gonna visit together,

maybe that will keep me motivated & focused,

i found Lake Moraine, little did i know this is a summer scene,

what beautiful skies and reflections in the crystal clear blue lake!

i could imagine us there already right now, and happy times!

UNTIL you told me that when i visit in January, 

and the lakes will be FROZEN, my heart sank,

deep to my stomach and for a fleeting moment,

i congratulate myself for being so stupid,

rushing into a decision which i am not ready at all.

if i dont get what i thought im getting, its disappointing,

look at this photo, people might admire & see its snowy beauty,

 i see nothing but ugly snow and miserable half frozen lake.

so the same will become of the pristine Peyto Lake??

to this pic, people will gasp, such beautiful snowy scenery,

and i am right now sniggering and bitching about its ugliness.

i just hope i could reset my mind again,

telling me that i should be open to all possibilities,

that as long as we're there, everything will be perfect!

but no, im a conservative, i only like what i see,

and if i dont like it at first sight, i will never like it at all.

im stubborn and i dont care what you think about it,

even if it means i'm gonna be mean to you about it.

you may suggest that i can visit again another time,

but to go through all these processes in such uncertain times,

and to think about it, makes me want to crawl into my bed,

and sleep until there's no tomorrow that i need to face,

i guess all of you will appreciate the aghasting beauty of this

or admire this amazing great work of god with the snow,

i seriously do not see anything fascinating about it,

maybe i'm just stubborn. maybe i'm just passive,

maybe i'm just not having the right mind set,

maybe i'm just not ready, 

i really dont know why am i so hard to please,

maybe you can tell me why?

the answer i have given myself is

"im hard to please, im not contented,

i never will be thus happiness is not on my side."

see? im smart. i know what ur gonna say :)