in serious need.

of attention.

its so weird, maybe its just me,

being really nostalgic

i will go thru a phase where i'll

browse heavily to get a round of updates 

on friends, recent activities or pictures,

and it feels good to see everyone here n there,

mainly because we're all different, 

but there are certain selective friends, 

maybe we were close in the past,

maybe we went thru some experience together

but now that i hardly meet or talk to them,

for example, a couple of good/best friends,

one of those phase we grew up together,

i know everyone has moved on, 

but i wonder why i still wish

some part of us can still remain together,

maybe because its jealousy?

envious of the other and their friends?

its not like i dont have friends too,

but when i look at their updates,

i feel like, i wish i could be there,

i have this strong desire to remain

as part of their network,

especially friends that i've always cared,

but we cant be always connected,

due to many reasons, it could be work etc,

but what saddens me even more is that,

we share the same group of mutual friends,

but why am i not in that group anymore?

i actually think that the problem is me,

always go go go go, and meeting people,

and not caring enough, never giving enough

attention to them or they just dont like me anymore?

and they meet people who are better,

what has change? that makes us apart?

its even worse, when i talk to them,

it felt like a complete stranger encounter!

im making the effort, for example thru facebook,

to really say hello, genuinely interested in their life,

and trying to remember their birthdays,

pets names, current boy/girlfriend, family,

but all i get is a very neutral response, 

i mean where has all the feisty friendship gone?

it saddens and hurts when i see 

that camraderie between you and another mutual friend,

but i dont see that happening between u and me?

whats that suppose to mean? 

if it was with some stranger i dont even know,

i dont care, but its the same friends we know?

does that mean they only response to their favorite friend?

it doesnt make sense, maybe the world is just unequal?

i dont know, im going for lunch with a friend,

maybe we'll talk about it.....