Peeling Petai

this will be one of those days that i dread this year,

no, its not really about me not enjoying cooking,

i'm standing there by the kitchen counter

peeling at least 10 rows of petai for dad's dinner,

listening to the noisy rumbling washing machine

waiting for the rice cooker to switch from 

cook to warm mode, and get dinner ready.

its about 30mins of peeling petai just standing there,

stoned, my head silent, thinking about mom's decision,

she's really really, for real, going to sabah.

thats the ultimatum.

what scares me is, today is her last day at work in KL.

without warning, i only knew it when i fetch her home,

when she pop bags of stuff into the backseat,

saying, "thats all i can carry for the time being,

we're coming back to the office this weekend,"

to clear her desk for the new person already.

its like a fast forward mode, and my mom is unfazed.

while me standing there peeling the petai skin, 

tens n thousands of questions swirl around me,

and i have no answer to her decision,

we all knew she's leaving, but when?

we dont know, and now that she's leaving,

its just too soon, we didnt even have time

to do anything but just accept her absence,

it only means i'm now the unofficial mother to

two kids call Dad & Bro,

unofficially the appointed in house ATM,

because next in line after my mom,

how funny the world works,  

i'm the 2nd breadwinner of this household, 

i shake my head and gulped at the thought of it,

what else do i need to do to make life easier for us?

everytime i feel like everything is just about to be okay,

everything just go absolutely hell wrong,

and i have to steer the wheel back into the road,

even though i dont have the appropriate license

or experience to manouvre this vehicle at all.