never again

metaphors

i was doing house chores,

i was checking my phone,

i was looking at the clock,

i was thinking about my watch,

the watch that i thought will never cross my path,

the watch that accidentally came to me,

the watch that spends time with me, all the time,

the watch that i find is actually quite perfect for me,

the watch that i like to look out for every now and then,

the watch that i like to care for gently,

the watch that makes me proud of it,

the watch that i learn to be dependent to,

the watch that has a special place on my desk,

and the watch that i eventually fell in love with,

as i always wonder about how funny it is....

our unexpected sweet encounter....

~~~***~~~

BUT at the same time with the watch,

i was given signs,

i felt a warning,

i was worried,

i was possesive,

i was fully aware about my dependence on it,

i always knew if i lose it one day, in anyway,

either snatched away,

losing it, misplacing it,

or just out wear it.....

i will be devastated, seriously.

~~~***~~~

i told myself its only a watch,

cos i can always

find a new one,

buy a new one,

steal a new one,

or just get someone to buy me one.

but deep down inside i know,

no watch can ever replace it,

the exact same way it came into my life

and made me who i am today.

~~~***~~~

you think it may be just a watch that i lost,

and that its such a drama that i am depress right now

with no appetite and is having nightmares already,

because to me, it reminded me again and again,

just like a metaphor

all things are impermanent in this world

even you and me are

~~~***~~~

and its no wonder i realize when i desire something,

i will myself to look at its impermanence,

so i will choose to let go

choose not to get close

choose to just watch and not touch

choose to just be cold and careless

choose to forbade its entrance

and most importantly

choose to break its heart before it breaks mine

i mean, who am i to deserve such a perfect watch?

the moment i saw it, i knew its going to someone else,

but i wonder why life is such a joke,

to give me something so sweet

and yet let me suffer the loss of it

suddenly everything is like a joke,

like a trap straight to my weakest emotion

~~~***~~~

maybe with time you will understand

why am i so difficult sometimes

i know you keep thinking and trying,

to talked me out of this deep gutter,

but honestly, i really do not want to

ever again experience a loss like this,

so dont try,

you know you will just break my heart even more

the day when everything decides to

vanish from me again.

~~~***~~~