10th October

What a day, i'm writing it because i want to record it down

In the day,

It was Will's last day with the company,

I brought my camera with me, but i was so sad,

I didnt even muster any strength to take any picture,

These are pictures from Ruvian's phone,

from the farewell lunch on wednesday at Rakuzen.

This is also the day where we reshuffle our seats within the team,

I'm now moved to very open spot, where Will use to seat, and its a place where boss can look at my screen, and see everything i do, yes of course i do not like the idea, that people can easily look at my screen, priving what websites i'm surfing. Change is it always for the better? this echoes and sounds somewhat familiar, to everything that i've been trying to maintain the same, i guess change is inevitable.

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At noon,

something very disturbing happened, and i dont know what will happen to us. i am disappointed, i just think its not worth trying anymore, it maybe a small matter to some, but it is too important for me to ignore. things will not be the same anymore, and i cant lie about it,

if only i could just close my eyes and let it pass, i cant.

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In the evening,

Attended City Harvest's Church stage musical "Dance My Love"

i'm a buddhist, i chose to attend it cos i just want to see different things, Desmond invited me 2 weeks ago, i think its interesting, so i accept the invitation, i went there with an open heart, it was a well organized event by the youth for the youth, they begin by praising the lord and sing nice songs and really get everyone into the mood, with a live band, on a proper stage and really cool auditorium seating for us, its professional,

i wish Amanda could come and see this for herself, she would feel right at home, a start for a fun filled enjoyable evening, the musical was adapted from Step Up 2 the movie, its going to be recorded and produced as a DVD, of cos the live version would be better. i like the fact that they intertwine with the big screen for a flashback for the performers.

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after that they praise lord again, the lyrics are strong positive affirmation, i can understand why, if you are at a very vulnerable state of life and seeking for an answer, you will give yourself and search for the answer from lord, we were asked to close our eyes, as the pastor talk us through about the night, that we're not here by chance, that god has a plan, and even if we're questioning if he is calling us, we should answer the call, he said, i will pray for you my brother and sisters if you raise your hand, and like an instant, it amazes me, i saw succumb, i saw relief, i saw hope, i saw desperation, i saw tears, there was this girl who broke down and cry and kneel in front of the stage, and the pastor continues to talk, he knows there are some of us who did not raise our hand because we're not sure, his words were like a comfort, and asking us to walk to the front if we want to answer the call, it was really an experience like as if, my hands are not listening to me for a second, and my body flick forward as if commanding me to step down from my seat and head to the front, it was that powerful. but i did not, because i dont think its my time yet, i still believe in my own belief, and i respect that we all have our difference, and i want to keep and maintain mine, if that day really did come and i did raise my hand, i will tell you.

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i cannot remember clearly the lyrics or anything that happened that night, the sequence is all jumble up, it was an experience of uprooting the senses to refresh everything, as if awaken, it can inspire, i felt so quiet all the way home during the 45mins train journey from KelanaJaya, it was something inside of me, it makes me want to share, i understand now, why the children of the christ, devoted christian wants to share so much, because they see something so beautiful, inspiring and they want to save us all, from this dark, depress world, and show us the christian way of life, where happiness lay ahead, i understand it totally, people have choices, and i wish people would be able to expose to more of this experience, and then they will be able to decide what is the best way forward in their own life.

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