everything just gets better

i just deleted everything accidentally while transferring from the computer to my thumbdrive. and i dont have a system backup...... im pretty calm i think it hasnt sink in yet.... but now....4 years of memories just like that flush down to the thrash, the day just gets 'better', after all those sad moments i dont know how much better it will go now, thats really the last straw....4 years of one of my most important memory with all of u, just gone. gone. gone. maybe its time to forget everything and start afresh. 4 years... the effort.... my LJMU homework, all gone, my hardwork, my most prize work all in one folder gone, the collections, the assignments i did for him, the special notes from special someone, everything gone. i really dont know whats next. and i have no one, absolutely no one to talk to or cry to about it, no one is gonna be there anymore, whats the point, all these events are signs to me that everything is so fickle that it is meaningless to create more memories to keep, because i will lose them anyway, one fine day.

越来越过份

很过份。一点点小事就会生气。
超典型的小气鬼，本来好好的一个早上，
一个不顺利，就想骂人了。
有时候觉得全世界都在针对着你，对不对？
这种宠坏的态度， 真的是想让人作呕！
真的是会迟早一切散掉！

BROKEN. my favorite handmade earring from beijing

it makes me real sad. its broken.
and even more so its my favorite.
i dont know if u understand how it feels,
something u spend so much, and care for,
so unique the feeling like love at first sight,
this is only the 3rd time im wearing it,
saving it for special occassions, and i broke it.
i fucking broke it.
and i cant even scream at myself,
because im too sad. im attached to it.

Canada : Weather Forecast (MINUS ZERO)

The only time when weather forecast was useful, was in Liverpool, UK, and I wasnt the one checking it out, it was Ariel & Joanne, both the weather forecaste experts, its like a habit just before they leave their room in Marybone, they will check it online and at the door, briefly compare notes while i absorb the info, and decide, if i should bring umbrella or not. miss those times, tons.

Anyway, thought i should check the weather in canada, not like im super prepared for it, but just for fun, cos its gonna be so foreign , i might just scream, "RAIN!" when SNOW is falling from the sky.... =_=\\\

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this trip,there's going to be a lot FIRST TIME, maybe this could be the theme of this trip, that'd be nice. its not on purpose, but i counted and seem to have a tendency, to themed or find a travel objective kinda thing, its not just sight seeing, its like doing something, and making sure i do it kinda thing, you know? like the Solo/Diving as my theme for Philippines, Khmer Kids as a theme for Cambodia, EDC/Shopping as a theme for HK, Olympics Volunteer as a theme for Beijing, Funky Singapore for Singapore duh... well that kinda come AFTER, but my point is, themes are fun to keep me occupied when travelling if i notice it....~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CANADA, its going to be the FIRST, cos i've never been there, let alone North America, this is big deal and for the first time ever, its gonna be an experience of a weather MINUS ZERO! and SNOW, these FIRST's are more than enough to record it down......and meeting future in laws for the first time?? hehe, thinking too much Fei! which reminds me, i havent send out the Christmas E-CARD! maybe i shud just reserve it till new year!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So i was googling a few weather report, i think its interesting, its ZERO DEGREES, but it feels like -6! im also very amused with the idea of long night, short day, i wonder how is that going to affect my body clock???

and i absolutely WONDER, what in the world is FLURRY SNOW????

and SNOW SHOWERS??? do you think its like RAIN? like you should stay indoor (unless u wanna dance in the rain) or is it possible to go outdoor and still walk when there's snow showers????

夜了，我要买蒜头一包

其实，还有一堆衣服还躲在洗衣机里。
我不想把它找出来吹风，因为头很晕。
之前，在车上，我听到一首歌，
联想起跟朋友合照过的一幕幕，就躺下来听。
是不想回家的借口，回家又要继续忙碌家务，
我想要私人空间，我想要像衣服躲在洗衣机里。
我一下车，头立刻重重的，突然晕了要倒下的感觉，
马路上的车都在睡觉，幸好我没有惊醒它们。
不然后果对我来说不堪设想。。。
深呼吸了几次，才两步变一步回家去。
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
这一切改变，很突然， 也很清楚，
我不想同情， 却想要你的了解，
我背着的负担并不是一只隐形鬼，
（至少我希望不是这可怕的东西）
而是一个没有人可以帮我负担的担子，
脑袋每天都在想着几个事情，
我知道我比很多人更软弱，
更爱哭， 更容易放弃，
所以我知道没有人可以明白为什么我其实很累，
为什么这么简单的东西，
我却把它变得复杂，
就像曾经有个老师常常表演的，
左边的耳朵不要用右手去指，
手环绕了一个大圈，何必呢？
做事讲话一切简单就好。。。
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
是啊，这些我烦恼的东西大家都可以应付，
为什么我就不能驾轻就熟？
我是不习惯改变。。。？
当母亲选择到远处去公干，
今天才第二个星期，我很累了，
我一下班，脑袋就在想着家里到底有没有饭菜？
然后，讨厌厨房的我，顿时必须接受这个油腻的新朋友，
我的烦恼是，连有饭菜，都不知道该怎么下手！
然后下手太重整个煮出来的真的可以变垃圾，
如果是我自己吃，没问题，可是，
是煮给家里的家人吃，那才得了。
我很伤心，每一次下厨就是作战，
我也生气这个新朋友剥夺了我宝贵时间，
连现在要和朋友见面，都得把它先排第一，
害我在2008年都不能见朋友吃一顿不是我煮的！
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
重点是，可能大家只需要去菜市场一次，
而一个星期7天，我都去了5次！
如果时间是汽油就好，我可以随时添加，
可是时间总是忘记停下来等我，
所以在最短的时间内必须做明确决定，
因为我根本就不知道要买什么，
每天都是下班后痛苦的折磨，
站在商店冷冻的雪柜很愚蠢的看着躺着的蔬菜
感觉身后隐约的同情，硬着头皮拿了几个就飞回家，
就算我买回家，我也只知道3个步骤，
抄袭重复步骤几篇，内容也换过几次，结果出来，
一看就知道是个没功夫的作家，根本就不可能成名。
把功课交上去给主任，没有一颗星星。
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
我都坚持不哭，很坚持，很乐观的骗自己。
今天不能了，煮晚饭的时候，蒜头竟然没了！
我肚子饿得不得了，一时乱了起来，
所有的东西都变过盐过咸的菜，那我今晚就得买，
明天还得去银行，还要送车去修理一大堆事情，
看时钟快9点了，我驾车送4个tupperware给我的阿姨，
4个tupperware一个星期前装过阿姨煮的饭菜，
她知道我不会煮，所以准备了一个星期的配料给我，
阿姨问我妈妈怎样，我一边说，一边想哭，没哭。
阿姨问我去加拿大准备怎样，我坦白说，
很紧张，不想去，更不想留下爸爸弟弟，
阿姨拿出钱包给我红包当零用钱，
她说不要买手信给他们多买给自己，
阿姨一边说，我一边看着电视一边流眼泪。
很尴尬，小小的niece在旁边帮我绑头发，
整个情景很奇怪，很想逃开不想这样下去，
我转话题开玩笑说我得走了，
因为还得赶在商店还未打烊买蒜头一包。
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
阿姨到厨房，翻开雪柜拿出了，
很多很奇怪的饭菜，
我连莲藕的原装是怎样的都没看过，
她还拿出了一包花生，还有红枣，
让我煲汤给爸爸，因为爸爸吃素，
除了abc汤，很多汤我都不会，
喝了一个星期同一个汤类，
我也很不好意思，这个时候，
阿姨拿出一包新新的蒜头。。。
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Canada: Winter Fashion

thats prbbly the LAST THING on my mind,
cos yesterday night when my head was just touching the pillow,
it was like a siren, i realized in shocked,
did i not pack any shoes for the trip?!
there is a valid reason for 'forgetting' it, because....
what shoes do you wear for winter?
i mean, your most obvious answer would be "BOOTS".
But your saudari here doesnt have any boots,
(yah lah, can rent from century fiesta, very yucky right haha)
let alone suitable shoes for winter,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
you should see my collection of shoes by now,
sandals/slippers/flats THIN THIN one!
this morning the first thing i did when i woke up,
was to remind myself to talk to scott about it,
he may have a better idea on what to wear,
HE BETTER (!) i'm murmuring "its all your idea", like the tenth thousand times because i'm very nervous. super nervous, like Eminem's "palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy" Mainly because i am NOT ready yet, i dont think i ever will, but this is driving me to a level of stress till i dont feel like eating (bad sign!) and my period is prbbly gonna be like here TOMORROW kinda stress!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Winter boots - i saw it in changi airport at the Outdoors Shop in Terminal 3. so UGLY and huge, even tho its meant to protect ankle and keep u warm, STILL! dont they have pink or light color or something? why does it all always have to be BROWN?????
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i didnt wanna wear jeans, i hate wearing jeans for travelling, its not comfortable, i like DRESSESSS sunny summery dress, but cannot wear that in canada wor, if we go to ZOO, sure freeze like hell. so have to bring jeans, that means i have to go back and REPACK,
because you need to match your top with your jeans okay?? REPACK??? ARGHHhhhhh.......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
scott got like 5 winter jacket/hoodies/coats, whatever they call it, as standby for me, im not fashionista, but i think he's worried, i might just go like "WHAT IS THIS UGLY THING???" i sound so drama, maybe because im really just SUPER INSECURE! so he got those from like, his mom, colleague, bestfriend, AND prbbly from his ex gf, LOL,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCOTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you better make sure everything is perfect, im sooooo super nervous right now abt flying to canada!!!! like a sinking feeling in the stomach!!!!~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
p.s. i still have problems with winter shoes,
SERIOUSLY,
i am not convinced that i can buy something there!

Charity Project : Delivery Day

together with my colleague Mummy Yiau

it was prbbly the HOTTEST saturday morning ever!

we have 2 more homes to deliver,

after Mary, Kenny & Mike did their part last week.

the thing is, i dont think our shirt donation actually

fit these kids, cos they're so tiny!

so we may have a second phase of operation.

its a pretty well maintained house,

just recently renovated to accomodate the kids,

its a good place to grow up and go to school,

when you dont have anyone but just your caretakers & friends.

most of the items in the homes are donated items,

if not, they will purchase with donation they receive,

like these brand new lockers, RM500 each,

imagine too, all your belongings in just one locker,

i dunno if it will hit you as much as it hit me,

but i felt a slight sense of loss looking at the lockers,

it feels like freedom trap, yet it is where they belong,

when they have no one else to turn to,

this is their library, also an adjoining tuition room.

the home actually paid tuition teachers,

at a slightly discounted price to ensure these children,

catch up with their work, some kids didnt even go to school,

until they were sent to this home,

they could be 12 years old and illiterate

if you have contacts who can provide tuition

or even motivational classes and activities,

this is a home that needs it, because

contact with outside world is pretty much limited.

and as we drove to the second home,

we were......"looks like a resort..."

this is the difference between a proper charity team,

and selfless individual running a home,

with all the same purpose, just one is slightly organize,

and is able to mobilize to get lots of donations.

the other takes one step at a time to reach there

on a very large piece of land,

they have a religious hall, a mini field,

dewan makan / dining room

with corridors, that looks like a school to me,

with computer labs, libraries, leisure room.

two badminton courts and an assembly court

and brand new dormitories buildings,
one for male, one for female,
the staff explained to us that this housed at least
over 100 kids, who lives here long term,
not all of them are orphans, some just come from,
less fortunate family, they assist those esp
with only a single mother kids,
and they accept any kind donations,
they have work really hard to get to where they are today,
i think its a barrier of mindset for us to break,

a home that looks great doesnt mean it doesnt need help,

it only means that they have help so many individuals,

and it should keep going and expand,

while homes that is in such dire state,

it only means that more help from a dedicated team,

to get them where they want to be,

its a lot of effort to pull this off,

it maybe a small effort to donate toys,

but the meaning you bring to them,

you never know you just might change their lives.

i think we never know enough,

but we can share what we know,

if it could make someone's life better.

Herbie & Shecky

"Merry Christmas!"

Mary Berry said to Ribena Berry,

who was seating beside Butterflipz during lunch.

Ribena Berry open the present, while her colleague,

Stephan, make fun of her by making squealing sound,

cos they all know that Ribena Berry

SQUEALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!'s a lot.

and squeal she did. when she saw this familiar/strange

DARK GREEN CREATURE!!!! hahahaha :D

His name is Sor Sor Shecky, he doesnt have a chin,

if compared to Herbie, he has soft brown eyes,

and a wider and bigger set of big&small eyes,

and he has a bigger shell, more colorful,

RED & CHRISMASSY looking,

softer cos he is chubbier and also smells fresh!

(unlike stinky Herbie Hurry!)

Ribena Berry seriously cant decide what she feels for him.

character wise, Sor Sor Shecky is definitely more BLUR.

and naive, and gullible, and eccentric...

i dunno, what do you think of them both??

i still think they're cute, expression wise,

still quite distinctively different,

we'll see how Sor Sor Shecky fits in.

wild wild west for ariel cos msn transfer is super slow!

people in wild wild west,

saloon bar girl, cowboy and sakai (red indian)

and er...the not so STRAIGHT cowboy

(this is what u meant Ariel, brokeback)

a very stylish red indian girl,

very detail, really nice.

cowgirl with pigtails, and a mini pocahontas.

i guess i should share where to get costumes,

since i (of all ppl) manage to win

best dress award for ladies, thanks to them,

even though its actually a really BORING dress,

but thanks to FAME hairdo AND

MARY BERRY's last minute brilliant touch up!

on the accessories and fishnet and necklace,

and we ditch the HEAVY underskirt, for a miniskirt!

so, if you're planning to attend a themed party,

the only costume rental shop i know is

Century Fiesta, in Hartamas,

but my German colleague, Stephan,

says there's one more in Kota Damansara,

i think its called Costume World.

quite a variety of costumes for rental.

Singapore : Suntec City, Exhibition Halls

first time in Singapore since 2 years old,

was for a business conference,

never in a million years would i imagine,

being in a business conference,

cos its just seem so UNLIKELY for me.

hard to explain, but when they have those

exclusive exhibition in PWTC,

i use to think its none of my business,

never thought one day i'll be involved in one too

cos business is just so FORMAL.

but i love the funky booth design for MSC companies,

this is the Malaysia pavillion, i think i am theme-ing

this singapore trip as Funky Singapore lor.

even our WORKPLACE look so cool!

colorful plastic chairs, with mini pentagon tables!

its CASUAL yet business like,

its entirely based on animation/kids theme!

mini christmas tree, SOFT TOYS in every corner!

Herbie will feel right at home!

our neighbour lagi ELABORATE,

Al - Jazeera, i thought they're a news channel,

but man they really do diversify,

and with our booth beside them

and their amazing 2 storeys meeting room,

our booth now look even better!

of cos you also get the very stylish corporate ones,

i still like the idea of oval booths and sofa,

and such striking colors everywhere you go,

this is the coffee point

this has nothing to do with exhibition,

it was in Bugis Junction, where we had our lunch.

Re! Hotel - Singapore Boutique Hotel

Re! Hotel

Mycolleague picked this boutique hotel

because its got funky designs!

its also the first boutique hotel i've ever stayed in,

i've heard and seen about so many of it,

(link not available, i collect them but dunno where i put)

its so new that out of 10 taxi drivers,

only 3 of them heard of it, throughout our stay there.

Re! can mean so many things,

firstly its Retro, and the word that caught my eye

at the dining room near the lobby was Refill,

then you have Rewind for the bar,

and Relax for the massage,

love the colors running across the walls,

and funky furniture! designer sofa's lor!!!!

i should've taken more pics,

but i dont have my camera 'sob'

each room has a theme, i think our room is

the classic Charlie's Angels

Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe and The Beatles

(reminds me of a pic that Jimuisss took in Liverpool!)

this is what i meant, funky chairs,

i like the fact that they emphasize individuality,

this is my chair, while my colleague has a different one,

in the corner with thick nice sofa.

again, my judging standard based on TOILETRIES,

they repackage everything and they use

LOCCITANE as their shampoo, conditioner,

shower gel and lotion!!! which we stupidly did not

take a picture of it, lol.this is how it looks like from afar, perched on

Pearl's Hill @ Chin Swee Road

charity project - PROGRESS

by the time i wrote this post,

we've already delivered to all 6 homes!

WOW! WE DID IT! it seemed easy at first.

but really time consuming and man power consuming.

i remember clearly this is the evening when the

Damansara Heights landslide occur

i can see the traffic clearly

its like a consolation for being able to stay in the office,

for a valid reason - PACKING.

that was after a whirlwind of collection thanks to

colleagues and friends, we display the best sell-able

items in the office conference room table, and manage to

get over RM400 within a few hours!

mary's comment echoes in my head

"i feel like a junk collector"

she has a point, we have both ups & downs,

most (90%) of our contributions are great stuff,

use-able, presentable, looks like present etc.

but there's just this 10% where i didnt take picture,

is where we really couldnt find a home to fit,

mostly because the clothes and items are too large,

or overused or dusty and ragged,

and some are NOT KIDS FRIENDLY,

like this CUTEST looking thing

with the most OBSCENE design for laughs,

(now seating in Ryan's house, he finds it amusing)

not complaining, but this is the difficult part,

sorting and putting it in different bags and boxes.

of cos we get some really nice items like this

AFC official football, not 1 but 5 football!

and some really cool original gamers t-shirt,

and pirated man utd shirt that's brand new,

my research instinct pops up,

the bad habit of overanalyzing things,

Did You Know??? Donations from guys esp,

are really NICE, nice shirts, nice gadgets,

sometimes un-use too! it was an eye opener, lol!

we pack over two days, during the public holidays too,

till about 12am, with Mary & TL in the office,

packing these alone and packing with a group of people,

the level of motivation is way higher with the latter option.

we tried our best to label for all the homes,

i think we did great, for medium size homes,

we manage to get at least 3-4 boxes/plastics,

for homes with numbers above 50 kids,

we manage to get at least 4-7 boxes or more!

plus a lot of food supplies.

So with a lot of logistics going on,

like delivering to our office, allocating,

and making time to deliver to the lobby

for Santa's pick up, we needed more help,

so we rope in Brian, Adam & Ryan sometimes,

to help us delivery the stuff up & down.

and on the delivery day itself,

Mary delivered to WAO's CCC,

Mike delivered to Christian Shelter Home & Beautiful Gate,

Kenny delivered to Pusat Kanak-kanak Spastik

Karen & myself delivered to

Rumah Bakti & Anbu Illam,

going to these homes,

man i learn so much in just one delivery.

i bet you dont even know whats in store! :P

make a wish in Singapore

christmas is just around the corner,

mama and i were lucky to visit singapore,

we also had nice hosts who showed us around,

Jun & WanJiun from Jimuisss,

we live with them even though its short,

we enjoyed hanging out with them

as they bring us around town and

soaking in the christmas decor

Herbie thinks Pepper Lunch Express is 'that's hot',

like paris hilton hot, you know? he loves her.

we went shopping, and girls can be so ridiculous,

things that they shop is unimaginable,

i nearly peed in my pants when i saw that GIANT EYES.

we saw some snow flakes in the city,

its really pretty feels like its snowing in singapore!

i think this is one of the prettiest night pic,

the bridge at Boat Quay, nice walk,

along that super grand Fullerton Hotel

Jun Jie Jie manage to take a picture of the nice moon,

over the Mandarin Oriental and the music hall,

i forgot its name, i think its Esplanade.

a trip to Singapore is not complete without

a picture with the Singapore LION!!!!!

Jun Jie hold camera,

Ma hold me,

Ah Soo Koko hold his phone with LIGHT,

and here's me managed to SMILE (a bit)

fearing that Ma will drop me

into the deep dark river!!!!!

its so fun, Wan Jiun Jie Jie says

this look like that someone just gave birth to me!

we didnt talk to many ppl,

but this is interesting piece of conversation,

maybe they're talking abt big things like,

independence and stuff like taxes, u know,

like important things?

anyway, we found our way to a booth,

make a wish by writing it down on a inflatable ball,

so pretty, so inspiring, a wish for everyone for free!

and they trace me on the ball.

Singapore is a happy happy trip. we're tired, but happy!