sometimes it is so vague what i am doing in my life
like when something that doesnt belong to you
presents itself to you, do you know what to do with it?
for me, i dont really know how to handle it,
bcos im clumsy and somehow i might just lose it.
so i guess it became a habit to take everything as impermanent.
(this is the corridor outside the Club Room on the 28th floor)
and so i always think about everyone around me,
for sure, all of them matters, but somehow, sometimes,
i know, i cannot depend on them all the time
because the belief of impermenance also means,
we might just lose everyone one day
and what will happen to us then?
(this is the first sight that greeted us when we stepped into the room)
it makes me want to just treat everyone the same,
it makes me want to just not take everyone seriously,
because what is there worth to even keep it alive when it will be banish?
(i think its a very standard design... its not ugly, just generic...
no wonder boutique hotels are all the rage now)
sometimes i feel so incapable. like im paralysed in some way.
like, i cant tell a real joke without laughing before i finish it,
that kills the joke.
like, i cant be real lady like when everyone (well, most) expects me to be,
especially that part about wearing heels,
like, i cant be charming or natural when i talk to someone,
because i'm always worried i'll say the wrong thing,
so i end up learning lines from others and repeating it.
these are silly thoughts, but it is a nuisance,
especially when all you want is just to make ur friend happy (to pls everybody)
(i like this set, complete with a stationary box too!)
i dont feel connected to anyone, even tho i love everyone.
its so weird, the head knows im automatically responding as a social being
but the heart knows that i can choose to respond as a human being.
so i always take cover by reading
its like an escapade to a surreal world,
where i can be real angry or real sad or real happy
with a fake world made up of words and imagination.
and i take so many pictures cos i keep losing my memories
i dont want to be cold or heartless,
but i cant whine and complain to u all day either
(Asprey, just like Molton Brown its from UK,
but it smells over-lavenderishly horrible.)
so i looooooook around, and found nothing significant.
i look at my hands and the mini people standing there,
i can just turn my palm over and its all gone in a second,
but i know, from the start, i am responsible
to make sure all of them are in good care.
(i like this tent, its a clear tent, can see the stars above!)
i guess i dont really have a choice,
opportunities doesnt presents itself, we make it.
so i look at others, i dont understand,
why do they feel certain way that they do?
it bothers me to no end, bcos i wish they could see it in a different way.
for sure, when they think differently, they will behave differently!
(view from Club Room, i'm nearly the same height with the bridge from this angle!)
i guess thats how people who strive for better life are made of,
it started with a belief, despite all hardships,
and with that, the action and behaviour comes along,
to make it happen, if only its as easy as this to explain to them.
(evening, just before bedtime...housekeepers came in,
with the booookmark, for bedtime reading, i suppose, it gives a special touch to their service)
but i learned that, even if i did share with them,
its just never the right time....and the stubborness
if it took me 10 years to realize i can make something of myself.
it might take as long as that for them to realize that all this while
they have been wasting their thinking about a concept that is not helpful to them
(such boring uniforms..... but duty calls) 
this is a very vague talk of a lot of things,
it will only make sense if i choose to listen to myself,
and not blindly following others,
but its such a difficult path to take,
when all odds seemed to be against you,
but then again, i always always look around me,
and to your face,
if you can believe in me, why cant i believe in myself too?
i dont keep a diary anymore.
there's just no need for one,
because its out of my system.
but i miss writing it.
will things that i treasure now be redundant in the future?
just like the diaries stacked in my drawer now
awaiting for its fate to be chucked away?
i'd rather, (come to think of it now)
i'd rather, (come to think of it now)
but not WITH THESE............ ANCIENT...........STUFFF......
I DONT F************ CARE
THIS CREEPS ME OUT TOTALLY.
AND WE CAN HEAR OUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR
i know i know i am sooo totally whiny about this.
in the end.....
Tuesday Evening - Full Moon - Mooncake Festival
~Sis & Bro bonding~ lmao
